On FireThe
Poems2God

Ministry


Sharing the love of God through poetry,
testimonies, bible studies and letters
 to an atheist and a teen.
PART TWO
A BITTER AND ANGRY HEART
BORN AGAIN WITH LOVE

On FireFor My SinsOn Fire

A Young Grace Zumbrum
A picture of my mother in the years before my impending conception.
Born in 1921, mom left this world on October 22, 2004
(A poetic tribute to my mother appears below)

PART TWO BEGINS BELOW

To receive prayer, know more about Jesus, or link to my other pages, scroll to bottom of page

Poems That Appear On This Page
There are four poems that appear on this web page. The first, "Family", was inspired by Tony Montemurro, Senior Pastor of Calvary Chapel of York (church web site) and the body of Christ at Calvary (link displays pictures of church and people). By their actions they displayed the love of God to me in very real and tangible ways over an extended period of time as I eventually faced a near total mental and physical breakdown and ended up in a hospital and that poem appears below the death row bible and the picture of my cousin. The second, "Web Page Shuffle" appears in THE MINISTRY BEGINS section and was inspired by the things that were happening on my web pages as I slowly began to rebuild this ministry and update my web pages. The third I composed to share as I officiated at my mother's funeral service. Her first name was Grace and the poem is so titled "Grace" and appears at the beginning of the section of this page titled REFLECTIONS ON MY MOTHER. The fourth, "The Choice" appears at the beginning of the RELIGIOUS CONFUSION AND DOCTRINAL CHAOS section of this page and was inspired by my search in God's Word for answers and by people who claimed they had the absolute truth and it was their way or the Hell Way.

Death Row Bible
As you read my testimony, you will read about two of my cousins on death row in SC. Please make note of the fact that both cousins were executed, Butch (John Arnold) in March of 1998, and John Plath in July of 1998. I have added another page to my web site that hyper links to a letter I wrote to thank the hundreds of you that stood in prayer with me as my cousins were put to death, and that gives info on the state of their salvation as they were strapped to the table to die. That link, now completed, appears directly below this update for those of you who have already read the part 1 testimony, and also below this testimony, so that you may read the testimony first and then go directly to the letter without returning to the top of this page The title of that web page is "How They Left This Earth". Below this introduction you will find a scan of the inside front cover of the Bible my cousin sent me from death row. My two cousins are # 1 and # 9 on the page. John must have had the Bible ready to get out to me for a few months before he was able to send it because it came to me as the NFL Football season was getting started.

With Tears And Prayers
All My Love
Jay
HOW THEY LEFT THIS EARTH

Bible signed by 12 death row inmates and sent to me by my cousin John

Bible sent to me from death row in SC signed by 12 death row inmates including
my two cousins, numbers 1 and 9 above, both executed in 1998

KNOWN DATES OF EXECUTION FOR THOSE
WHO SIGNED THE BIBLE ABOVE

#1 July 10th, 1998
#3 April 27th, 1990
#4 January 11th, 1985
#5 December 4th, 1998
#6 December 4th, 1998
#7 Murdered, see link below
(September 12th, 1982)
#9 March  6th, 1998
#10 January 10th, 1986
#12 August 18th, 1995

Learn how inmate number 7 above, Rudolph Tyner, was murdered, literally, had his head blown off by an explosive device, while in a cell on death row in SC just a few feet away from my cousin John, number 1 above, in 1982 by Donald Gaskins. A prolific killer, dubbed the Redneck Charlie Manson in some press accounts and also known as Pee Wee Gaskins, by clicking below.
# 7 RUDOLPH TYNER MURDERED ON DEATH ROW IN SC IN 1982
Click link above to learn how # 7 was murdered on death row.

My Cousin John Plath
John On Deathrow In SC

My cousin John who sent me the bible pictured above
on his way to death row in SC before he was executed in July of 1998

Family

It's time to join the family, my pastor said to me
In great dismay I looked at him, wanting just to flee
It's time to join the family, he said now once again
For he had seen me cry, because I had no friends!

I heard the words, knew it was true, for God had used his heart
To demonstrate great love to me, and show me where to start
In the end there was no choice, a healing had begun
No longer could I hide away, no longer could I run!

Years of lame excuses, now crashed unto the ground
God had brought a pastor, who was going to hang around
In love he just kept saying, "Soon you will begin"
"Here is your new family, simply let us in!"

I took my first few steps, excuses no longer real
It was time to grow, time to grow and feel
For no man is an island, no one can stand alone
And as this family loves me, I'm slowly coming home!

Jay L. Zumbrum
In Jesus Precious Name
And for HIS Glory


THE TESTIMONY OF JAY L. ZUMBRUM   PART II

    I have been putting off updating my testimony pages for several weeks due to much updating needed on many of my other pages and because so much has changed and there are so many new realities in my life now, that I just could not decide on a starting point for part two.
    There are three churches and Pastors that have played a huge part in my healing. The first is The Family Worship Center of York, a Foursquare Gospel church. The Pastors, Bill and Millie Maze are no longer there but it was Bill who helped me get back on my feet in 1987-1990 and Bill who led my mother to the Lord after she came to church one Sunday to hear me play and sing.
    The second is First Moravian Church of York, PA and Pastor Sayward E.G. Lippincott.
    The third is Calvary Chapel of York and Pastor Tony Montemurro. To view a few pictures of my home church, click here, Calvary Pictures.
    I will try to fill in the blanks below.
   After much prayer and thought, as I was sitting here today, November 20, 2008, I have decided to open part two by sharing with the world how the Poems2God ministry began. So here goes. Thank you for coming to this page and I pray God will allow hearts to be touched by what follows. Jay

CONTENTS
THE MINISTRY BEGINS
REFLECTIONS ON MY MOTHER
RELIGIOUS CONFUSION AND DOCTRINAL CHAOS
THE HEALING BEGINS! WE ARE FAMILY

THE MINISTRY BEGINS

   
My very first poem was written in the last two months of 1986 as I was approaching my three year anniversary in Alcoholics Anonymous.
    Early in 1982 I separated from my wife and daughter and left New Hampshire, where my wife's family was from and where we moved to try and save our marriage in 1981, and I returned to Pennsylvania.
    The first thing I did when I got back to PA was look up all my old drinking buddies and I began drinking heavily again to dull the pain in my heart. I was very angry at God, and did not understand all that was happening to me. It hurt, I did not like the pain and God was not going to do this to me again. So I called upon my old friend alcohol, and it was waiting with open arms.
    This led to my eventual arrest in the wee hours of January 28, 1984 for a DUI charge. I share much more about this in my forthcoming book "WHO CARES?"
    That was the day I took my last drink. I had been so drunk I did not even remember driving my car.
    I had been driving, only God knows how long, in a blackout and when arrested for the DUI, I was many miles from the bar where I had started the evening. I remember my first few drinks in that bar and then nothing else until I came out of the blackout sitting along side a road with a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes. I did not remember being pulled over, I did not remember leaving the bar, I did not remember driving and I had no idea where I was. My next conscious thought was the flashlight in my eyes. I had completely lost over 10 hours of my life.
    When I sobered up the next day I realized I could have hit someone and killed them and I would never have known it until they came to arrest me. That scared me and for the first time in my life I admitted I could not control alcohol and that it was controlling me and ruining my life. It took two more weeks, but at the end of the second week I called Alcoholics Anonymous and went to my first meeting.
    Alcoholics Anonymous allowed one to have a higher power and that was fine with me. I faithfully attended as many meetings a week as I could, sometimes two a day and on weekends sometimes three a day. My mind and my heart began to heal and slowly I began praying again, not to a higher power, but to the God I knew, the God of the Bible.
    As I was approaching three years of continuous sobriety the desire to come back to God was getting stronger, and louder, and harder to ignore and finally, in late 1986 I hit my knees and sought my Father's love again.
    I prayed and asked God to use me this time, not to let me sit on the sidelines, to help me touch the lives of children who were at that very hour making all the wrong choices I had made. Two days later I wrote my first poem. (explained in detail in "Who Cares?")
    I was sure the first poem was a fluke, but there followed a second, a third. I was sure the ability would fade as quickly as it had come, but the poems kept coming.
    After my first year of continuous sobriety I began to mentor, or be a sponsor to several new young men in AA. As the first one of them neared his one year anniversary I decided to see if I could do more with the poetry than just write about something that had popped into my mind. I tried to write a poem based on his experiences in his first year of sobriety and to congratulate him in poetry for hanging in there.
   That was when I first discovered I could control my writing, that I could bring real life experiences of people I knew alive on paper. From that experience I began to realize that by talking to people for a few minutes I could take what they felt in their hearts and bring it to life on paper for them.
    To try and keep the length of this testimony reasonable I will now fast forward from 1987 to 1996, as quickly as I can, (you will have to read the book), when God began to open my eyes to the power of the Internet and personal computers.
    My first personalized poems, written for people somewhere around 1987, took more than two weeks to get into their hands once I had written a poem. I would type the poem out on a typewriter, then take the poem to a printer so they could center the poem and print it on a board in an appealing text, many times I had to have the printer correct spelling errors they had made typesetting the poem on the board, then take the board and a piece of parchment paper to a copy center and copy the board onto the parchment paper.
    Obviously this made the poems cost prohibitive and time consuming. One day I asked the printer why he could correct typesetting mistakes sometimes in less than a day and he told me all typesetting was now done by computer. That was all I needed to hear. Off I went to Radio Shack.
    At Radio Shack I showed a salesman a poem board and explained what I was doing. He sat me down at a computer, pulled up a text editing program and said, "type your poem in", so I did, then he told me to hi-lite the poem, then he showed me on a drop down menu that I could center the poem with one click and with another click, check the spelling and I could move text and change things till the poem was just right, next he showed me how to pick a type style, again with one click and then how to send the poem to a printer hooked to the computer. In less than 15 minutes I had a completed poem which before had taken two to three weeks to be completed by taking it to a printer. I was so excited I almost fell out of the chair. God had everything I needed already created. Then the bomb fell.
    You have to remember, this was 1987. The only printers available at that time capable of printing a smooth, nice looking type style were laser printers and personal computing was basically in it's infancy. When I asked the price for all the components I needed to do personalized poems I again almost fell out of the chair. The cost for a computer, printer and the program to edit the poems was over $5000.00. My heart sank in my chest and personalized poems ceased to be created. But I never gave up on the dream. I began to pray and hope.
    By late 1995 computers and printers were much more affordable and I now had over 10 years of continuous sobriety. I was finally able to scrape together enough money to get a computer, ink jet printer and a text editing program and my creativity was once again unleashed. I again began selling personalized poems.
    It was at this time that God brought across my path a lady to whom I had sold a poem. When she came to pick up her poem she saw my computer system and asked me if I was on the Internet. My response was "the inter-what?".
    By 1996 I had experimented with an Internet provider know then as Prodigy and then settled on AOL as my provider. With AOL God began to open new avenues for the sharing of my writings.
    The screen name I decided on for my AOL account was Poems2God as a way of letting people know that I wrote poetry and that I was a Christian. On line with AOL I was introduced to two new (to me) avenues of communication, chat rooms and instant messages. Because God allows me to write poems so quickly, many times when I was in a chat room someone would say something or I would see an unusual screen name and having a lighter side to my personality I would quickly write a poem and share it with the room. This in turn caused those who read the poems to ask to know more about me. That happened so often and I got so tired of retyping over and over my facts of life that I created a text file of my testimony and when people then asked for more about me I would ask their permission, pull up the text file, copy and paste it into an e-mail and e-mail it to them. I began to do this with some of the more serious poems I wrote also and began to share them in the same way.
    On one occasion I was in a chat room, I shared a short poem I had just written based on something someone in the room had just said and received a request from a lady, also chatting in the room, for more about me, so I e-mailed my testimony to her and a few of my poems. The next day I received an e-mail from her. The e-mail contained a hyper link to a web page and on that web page was my testimony and my poems.
    In the e-mail the lady challenged me to share my testimony and poems with the world via a web site. I accepted the challenge, began with one small web page, and from that humble beginning grew a web domain that eventually housed 12 web pages and over 70 of my poems to God. AOL just shut down (Oct. 31, 2008) all web page hosting so all 12 pages and months of work would have been lost if it had not been for my friend Joel in AL and his new son in law Kevin, who happens to be a web page designer. You can see a picture of Joel and God's Gang and a picture of Kevin and his new bride on my HOME page by scrolling down on the page.
    Joel wanted me to share my web pages with people, but giving them my AOL web address was tedious since you had to input all of AOL's member's pages info along with the actual address for my homepage, which was way too much for anyone to remember or even want to bother writing down or typing in to a search engine. So Joel got together with his son in law and Joel bought space on a hosting domain where you can now simply type in Poems2God.com and then copied all of my pages over to that site. They did this like 2 months before any of us knew AOL was going to be closing web page hosting. I have been amazed with the fact that God already had a new hosting domain up and ready to go when AOL closed down my web site. If it were not for Joel and Kevin I would have lost 12 web pages and literally several months work done previously years ago on AOL. Thank you Joel, thank you Kevin, thank you Father! I am taking this as a sign from God that he still has work for me to do while I still reside on this earth. Kevin has been extremely patient and gracious as I have had to relearn web publishing from scratch on the new domain inspiring the following poem.

WEB PAGE SHUFFLE

 
 AOL closed my pages, twelve of them there were
I am trying to save them, my mind is quite a blur
I edit text, add an image, then send it to my site
Then pull it up, on the net, but nothing there is right!
 
Upside down backwards text, errors do abound
I look on in amazement, as I hop around
Images look like mush, like there has been a tussle
I'm not doing well, with the Web Page Shuffle!
 
My eyes roll up, in my head, steam comes from my ears
I want to touch the keys, but have a thousand fears
Ftp, http, all driving me insane
I think I have one cell left, working in my brain!
 
With no where left to turn, my mind in disarray
I finally realize, I just need to pray
For all of this I do, I do for God's great glory
Teach me now my King, to publish all Your story!
 
Jay L. Zumbrum
In Jesus Precious Name
And For His Glory

    Since moving to my new hosting site my web domain has grown from 12 to more than 20 web pages and is growing almost daily as God continues to allow my creativity to flourish. I no sooner finish one web page and sit here content  that I am nearing the end of updating and adding pages and features when a new concept, a new idea takes flight and I am off again on another new adventure.
    As all of that is taking place God is also allowing my Personalized Poems business to be reignited and new ideas arrive almost daily in this area also. Just this morning (Nov. 21, 2008) I picked up from my new printer, Wade D. Glosser of Penny Press of York, Inc. my first ever professionally printed small advertising handouts. Penny Press was the closest printer to my home and Wade has been patient and worked very hard, to the point of personal sacrifice, to make sure my very small project had a professional look. He did an excellent job which will make my job of selling much easier. Thank you Wade and thank you Father for putting Wade in my path.
    There is much, much more to how this ministry evolved, which, God willing will be included in "Who Cares?"
Return To Contents

REFLECTIONS ON MY MOTHER
The Poem Below Was Composed By Me
To Be Shared At My Mother's Funeral Service

GRACE

She lived and passed as Grace, the name they gave at birth
What a precious gift, given to this earth
She blessed our hearts with love, even in her pain
And in our hearts forever, her grace will now remain!

A precious child of God, at times misunderstood
Always she would find, a way to do us good
Forgiving every fault, that we might display
And showing yet again, grace in her special way!

She became my teacher, with her precious love
Showing me the mercy, of my God above
A heart so pure and simple, a love so strong and true
I am so glad dear Mom, that God gave me to you!

I honor her today, with the words above
And thank my awesome Father, for her guiding love
For in the life she lived, in all that I could see
She showed me every day, my Father's love for me!

God Bless You Mom
November 25th, 1921 - October 22nd, 2004

    Moving on from how the poetry ministry evolved I would now like to touch a bit more on my mother and how my love and respect for her have grown since she left this world in 2004.
    It has become painfully obvious to me over the last few years how catastrophically devastating depression and anxiety can be in one's life and I now realize that my mother suffered from both to a much greater degree than I realized.
    I am now in awe of her because even though she fought these battles, and exhibited some of the character flaws that can manifest as compensation mechanisms, she did love me and was always there for me. She tried desperately to gain my love and respect in the only ways that made sense to her. Unfortunately those actions on her part taught me wrong coping skills that led to my eventual early years drug and alcohol addictions.
    It breaks my heart to know what she suffered through. Knowing what I now know, having lived through the hell of depression and anxiety attacks, I am deeply saddened that she is not here now so I can explain to her that I now understand how much she loved me and I know now she never really meant to hurt or harm me. She was a mother in every sense of the word to the best of her ability and before she left this earth she taught me the concept of God's unconditional love in so many different and profound ways that I find myself sitting here weeping as I try to get these words to the world.
    I do not remember the year but do remember that my mother began to grow in her understanding of spiritual things after she was saved at The Family Worship Center of York.
    I had been attending there for quite awhile when Pastor Bill asked me one Sunday to play and sing one of my songs the following Sunday which I agreed to. I had also been staying away from my mom since it seemed every time I tried to talk with her it would end up in shouting matches which seemed fine with her but were very embarrassing to me.
    Somehow mom found out I was playing and singing and called and asked if I would take her to church to listen. This was the last thing I needed, mom blowing out of control in the parking lot of the church before I played and though I said yes I was on pins and needles when we got to church the following Sunday.
    I will keep this very concise here and save the rest for "WHO CARES".
    Mom came to church, heard me play and sing, Pastor Bill, sensing the moment gave an alter call and mom responded. I used to tell people when mom was with me yet that Bill gave an alter call, she thought he asked people to come down and pray for me and came down to pray I would never play and sing in public again.
    Mom was saved that day and God had a church family just waiting to love on her and she began steady and regular fellowship with several of the ladies in her age range at the church, many times hanging out with them during the week.
    It was this group of women that God used to get through to her and cause spiritual growth and healing to begin. Without this step taking place, the next may never have happened. Where ever you are now Bill and Millie, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking on a project like mom and I and I deeply thank the people of  The Family Worship Center of York for reaching out to us.
    I eventually left The Family Worship Center of York due to the continuing doctrinal chaos, explained below, that sent me into isolation.
    In the last five years of my mother's life I had the great honor and privilege of having her live with me after she became ill. When I brought her to live with me I had to sign her out of a rehabilitation center the hospital had sent her to. They we about to ship her off to a nursing home having never consulted me and tried to tell me she had given up and was not long for the earth. My mother called me at my home and told me they were trying to send her to a nursing home. What follows below explains several of the trials I faced as I tried to save my mother.

Dear Brothers and Sisters,
    Many of you have requested more info on what has been happening with my mother and her recent illness and stay in the hospital. I will now do my best to convey the facts in a concise manner.
    On Thursday, November 18th, 1999 my mother made her daily walk to a local store in the city of York to get her evening paper. It is usually one of the highlights of her day, she enjoys the walk and talking to the people at the store. The store is about 2 1/2 blocks from mom's home.
    Mom was 77 on this day, (her birthday was Nov. 25th and she is now 78), and sometimes has trouble making it to a bathroom if she is too far from one. On this day, just as she reached the store, she had a number 2 accident in her depends. She also began to feel slightly ill, so she sat down on the steps outside the store.
    Shortly after the accident mom's friend whom she has known now over two years appeared. This is a 74 year old lady who also lives in the neighborhood and whom mom likes to go visit. I had never met the lady and knew of her only by what my mother told me. Mom says the lady often borrows money from her, but always repays her and is always making things for mom to eat. One other aspect of this friendship had been a concern for me, that was the fact that this lady, from time to time, would ask mom to rub her body, claiming to have pain from arthritis. I asked mom some very pointed questions about this part of the friendship and she assured me there was nothing perverse or morally wrong, that she was just trying to help her friend. This lady is not saved, cusses like a sailor when angry and smokes almost in a chain like fashion. Certainly not a good environment for mom, but she is an adult, so I just kept my distance in this matter, asked questions from time to time, and accepted that mom now had a friend she enjoyed hanging out with, but who, in my mind, had some very strange habits and did not seem to be making rational choices in her life since she is elderly also at 74 and would not put a phone in her apartment.
    This is the lady whom appeared on November 18th as my mother was feeling a bit out of sorts.
The lady took mom from the store to her apartment. There she tried to get mom into her tub so mom could get cleaned up, but once mom was in she could not get her back out, so she went and got another lady to help her get mom out of the tub. I do not know who the other lady was.
    Once mom was out of the tub she began to get very sick, so the lady talked her into staying overnight because it was not safe for mom to walk home by herself now that she was sick. From that point on mom's condition worsened daily, within one day she was so sick she could not get out of bed, she asked the lady to call me, told the lady she wanted to go home, but the lady did not call me.
    I have asked my mother 1000 times to please always keep my phone number with her, but she refuses to do so, and when she asked the lady to call me she was already too sick to remember my number, so the lady says she did not know my number and that is why she did not call me.
    As the days went on, this lady got mom's key from her and went to mom's apartment supposedly to get some clothes for mom and to feed and water mom's bird. Mom told her when she went to her apartment to please call my son, I want to leave here and go home. Mom told the lady my number was in the phone book, she also told this lady that the lady who lived in the apartment below her had my number and she could get it from this lady also.
    Well, needless to say, the friend never looked up the number, never asked the lady downstairs for the number and made no effort to call me.
    I am used to mom not being home, I knew that many times she would walk up to this lady's apartment and spend hours visiting there, sometimes not leaving until 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning as they would watch movies and chat.
    I had repeatedly cautioned mom about this foolish activity of staying up there so late, but mom is stubborn and would tell me she would not do it any more only to turn around and do it again, so for some time I had been concerned about the way this relationship was developing. Mom was walking home alone at 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning right through the heart of the most heavily traveled drug dealing area of town and there were shootings in this area on a regular basis.
    I had already come to the conclusion that I was going to have to get mom out of this neighborhood, but as you all know, I was almost homeless myself and not even sure I would be able to keep my apartment, so I was praying to God for my mom and this lady, for God to keep mom safe and for mom to be a witness to this lady.
    As most of you know, I began a new job on November 1st and spent two weeks on day work to be trained. After the two weeks on day work I was transferred to 3rd shift on November 15th, actually going into work on the evening of Sunday, November 14th at 10:00 PM. My hours are from 10:00 PM to 6:00 AM Sunday night through Thursday night. Needless to say, I was having a very hard time adjusting to 3rd shift, getting almost no sleep as my body tried to deal with the change and was still dealing with the aftermath of the fiasco with my car, which had broken down needing major repairs twice within three months. I still do not have all the repairs needed completed yet.
    Since I had just started a new job in a field which I had no experience, I was trying desperately to hold onto the job, but I had so much to learn that I was becoming overwhelmed and beginning to think I might fail. I am only a Temp and have to prove to them I can learn the job and function well in it. So when mom did not answer her phone when I called, I figured she was visiting her friend again. For 6 days I had been calling to make sure she was okay. I was beginning to get angry at mom for not at least calling to let a message and let me know she was okay. I continued to pray for her and asked God to keep her safe.
    Finally, after 6 days of no contact I resolved that before I went into work on the night of Tuesday, November 23rd, I would take the time to go over to mom's to see what was wrong. When I got to mom's place about 8:00 PM I found that her mail was still in her mail box and her paper was still on the steps. Mom never misses a day of not getting her mail or of getting her morning paper, (which she has delivered), in off the porch, so I knew immediately she had not been home the night before, when I let myself into her apartment the bird squawked like crazy and I found the cage a complete mess, bird seed scattered all over the floor and the birds water very dirty. Mom loves that bird and takes very good care of it. so I knew either she was very sick or had not been home in a few days. I searched the apartment, mom was not there, so I then went straight to her friend's house and that is where I found mom.
    When I found her she was laying in a puddle of sweat, hair all matted down, she could almost not speak, she was shaking uncontrollably, and could not get out of bed. I looked at her in amazement and asked her why she did not have this lady call me as soon as she had gotten sick. She looked at me with pleading eyes and told me she had asked the lady to call me and that she wanted to go home. I turned to the lady and asked her why she did not call me. She made some lame excuses and I began to get upset. I was very tired, it was only my third night of reporting for 3rd shift and I was running on almost no sleep, and it now became obvious that I was going to miss work if I took mom to the hospital, and I was sure by looking at her that she needed treatment very quickly. But I was torn because I was afraid at work they might think I was trying to get out of coming in and could not handle 3rd shift. I tried to reach a compromise in my mind, asked mom if she would be okay to stay there one more night and told her if I did go in I would come here right from work the next morning and get her to the hospital.
    The lady then began to object and asked that mom stay with her since mom could not be alone because she was so sick. I told her again that as soon as I got off work mom was going to the hospital and I would talk with mom then and find out if she wanted to come stay with me or return to her friends home. I told the lady I wanted her to take my phone number so if mom got worse overnight she could call me and I would leave work and get mom the care she needed. The lady refused to take my phone number and at that point I made the choice that I would miss work and mom was getting out of this place.
    At this point the lady began to verbally attack me and I lost my temper and really unleashed my fury on her, letting her know that as far as I was concerned she had kidnapped my mother, had failed to get help for her, had refused to call me, and that if she did not go to a phone immediately and call for an ambulance to get mom to the hospital I was going to have her arrested. There was no way I was leaving mom out of my sight and alone with this lady while I went to call for help, since there was no phone there.
    Again the lady verbally attacked me and again I unleashed my frustration on her, this time telling her if I left, when I came back she was going to jail. Mom was far too sick for me to try and move her alone. The lady finally realized I was serious and went to make the call, she also called the police, but when the cop got there, saw the condition of my mother, found out I was her son and that the lady had not called me, he realized he could not stop me from taking mom out of there.
    Here I must convey to you that this lady is active in drug marches and had worked closely with the police letting them know when there was suspicious activity in the area, she also has a friend who is a city council woman and these people had worked together to get my mother to vote for the first time in her life at the age of 77. So when she called the police along with the ambulance, it was to try and get my mother away from me again.
    Still not fully understanding all the facts, and not wanting to upset mom, I told this lady she could go with mom to the hospital and I would decide after mom was checked out if she could return to this lady's home, but I had already decided there was no way she was going back there.
    The ambulance crew took mom to the emergency room and the lady, who rode to the hospital with me, claiming she could not get into the ambulance with mom because of arthritis, and I waited in the emergency room. I told the lady I had to go call into work and that I would have to run out to my place to get the number since I had to call a specific in house office because the main office was closed for the night. I left the hospital and went home, got the number I had been given, called in and returned to the hospital to find that this lady had gone back to where mom was as soon as I had left the hospital. I also went back and it became obvious to me that this lady was trying to get mom not to communicate with me, as she kept interrupting my conversations with mom, kept standing up and physically touching mom to keep her attention. She again attacked me verbally there in the hospital room and as I laid the facts out in front of her with all the hospital staff looking on she got up, walked out of the room where mom was and never came back.
    To cut this short, mom was diagnosed as being dehydrated to the point that some of her body functions had begun to shut down. They gave her two bags of fluid intravenously, ran some tests and told me to take mom home and keep fluids in her.
    I brought mom home to my apartment and was amazed that they had let her come home, she was so weak she could barely walk and the next few days were hell as mom was too weak to make it to a potty chair I had placed in her room and her symptoms kept going back and forth from worse to better to worse. A few days later I had set up an appointment with a doctor at a clinic to see mom and with great effort got her into the shower and cleaned up, then took her too the appointment. The Doctor saw how very weak mom was and ordered new tests, but again they missed the infection and just thought I was not getting enough fluids into mom, so they sent her home again.
    The next day I got off work at 6:00 A.M., came home and collapsed into bed after making sure mom was okay and cleaning up the messes. At 10:30 A.M. something woke me up and I went to check on mom. She was covered in sweat, shaking uncontrollably and vomiting and almost choking on her vomit because she was too weak to lift her head off the pillow. I got her sitting up, wrapped her in a blanket, got all of the vomit out of her mouth, then took her temperature. She could not keep her mouth closed but in less than a minute the thermometer read 103.
    I got on the phone, called the doctor she had seen the day before and the DOC told me to bring her back to the clinic. I told the DOC there was no way I could get mom there by myself as she was too weak to walk and the DOC finally okayed an ambulance to get mom to the emergency room. Finally on this trip after they ran more tests they admitted mom to the hospital, but at that point it was only because her temperature was 104 and she was 78 and they said that was a very dangerous development. Finally after 2 days and about 30 different tests they identified that mom had contracted a urinary tract infection of e-coli virus, which then got into her bloodstream.
    Mom was in the hospital about a week and now is in a rehab hospital and doing much better. They seem to think she will soon be coming home and all I can do is thank God I found her in time to save her and at this point I still have an apartment to which she will come and be safe, warm, dry and under my watchful eyes.  :o)

updates

    Mom is now home, I had to sign her out against the doctors recommendation and am now wondering if I have made a mistake, she is very, very weak, can only walk a few feet at a time and her legs keep giving out on her.
    Yet when I went to see her last night she got right out of that wheel chair and scooted all around, it just makes me wonder what they gave her this morning that made her so weak.
    They have been loading her up with all sorts of drugs and I am convinced this is why she has lost her appetite and why she now shakes so badly while just sitting there.
    I had actually begun to wonder if she was losing her mind because she would just sit there and stare into space at times while I would visit her.
    I learned before they released her today that because she was not eating right they put her on an antidepressant drug, so I guess she is now hooked on some kind of tranquilizer and that is why she seemed so out of it.
    For God's sake, they sent her from the hospital to the rehab with 2 splintered bones in her back. I had been telling them for weeks something was wrong, no one listened. So she got to rehab and they had her doing exercises which aggravated her injury. I finally had to raise hell and threaten to file a lawsuit. Then they took her for more x-rays and found the splintered bones. In the mean time they loaded her up with all those drugs because she had lost her appetite. Geesh, she lost her appetite because she had severe pain from the exercises they were making her do.
    Deb, they have destroyed my mom.  :o(
    She is a trooper though and has tried very hard. To see her like this makes me feel very helpless and very sad.
    To get her up the steps to the upstairs where my bedroom is she had to sit on the steps and go up them one at a time and even that took me lifting her to the next step.
    I learned also today that when she begins to come off this antidepressant that she may have adverse reactions, as in withdrawal I think.
    Why in the name of God they put her on an antidepressant because she had lost her appetite I will never understand.
    All I know is every time I went to see her there was more wrong with her. I am also convinced that they messed up while she was in the York Hospital and may have given her a wrong drug because one night I was out to see her and she was getting stronger and looking much better and the next day after giving her medication they had to rush her to a heart monitoring ward.
    I am so frustrated I could scream, but instead I tried praying with mom, I was afraid I could not get her up the steps and was afraid to tell her because she was sitting there almost crying because she could not make it up those stairs and was terrified I was going to send her to a nursing home. That broke my heart, so I got down and we prayed.
    I was honest with God and told him I was not even sure he was who he claimed to be anymore, but that if he was and he could forgive me for my lack of faith I could use some help.
    That's when I thought about the step at a time thing and it worked. Poor mom, she was ready to give up after the first three, but I gave her a little pep talk, we counted the steps and with each one she felt a little better. But getting her in the house from the garage through the yard, up the steps to the house then up the steps to my room was more exercise than she had done in over 2 1/2 months, so she is really tired right now and laying down in my bed, which is now hers. :o)
    I am glad she is home, and pray I have not made a mistake bringing her home, please pray that God will give me wisdom to do the right thing.
    If you made it this far, thank you for taking time to read this Deb.

Will TTYL,
Jay

Less than a week home :o)
    My mother is doing very well since I have brought her home. I took her to the doctors yesterday. To get to my car she walked down 15 steps, then down 4 more, then all the way from the back of the house to the car out front so I could take her to the doctors. All of that from a lady whom was so weak and shaky just a few days ago that all she could do was sit and stare into space.
I am very, very glad I followed my gut feelings and brought her home.

new update-chat with friend

Poems2God: it has been the worst night and day of my life
Jokylekris: why do you say that
Poems2God: my mother is staying with me, that in and of itself is a long story, but last night about 5:00 pm she got the runs and it has been ongoing straight through the night right up until I finally had a few seconds to sit down here
Poems2God: she is 78 and just got out of a rehab hospital, I actually had to take her out against docs orders because they were killing her
Jokylekris: I remember...that is a shame 
Poems2God: she was getting better each day up until yesterday afternoon, then she got very weak and got the runs, she gets meals on wheels and I think one of the people that made the meal may have had a virus, Doc thinks so too, called about an hour ago
Poems2God: but now she is too weak to get out of bed fast enough and the runs come every 15 minutes or so, she has shit on the bed 4 times, she has shit on the floor seven times, I have cleaned and bathed her at least 25 times in the last 17 hours
Jokylekris: Jay ...it is hard I know...but try to remember it is not her fault...do you have any Immodium AD it does work
Poems2God: I have used every sheet I have, every quilt and every blanket and she is still going, I dumped so much stuff down the toilet from her potty chair that it stopped up and overflowed twice with shitty water running all over the bathroom and out into the hallway
Poems2God: the doc says not to give her anything because the runs are her body's way of healing itself
Jokylekris: maybe you need to take her to the hospital..if she has done that much she may be getting dehydrated
Poems2God: right before I sat down here I had just gotten her semi cleaned up, I brought over the wash pan with all the water and soap in it, because there is not much room I tripped and dumped the water all over the floor and the bed
Poems2God: I am exhausted, I have been cleaning up shit and trying to save the carpets all night long  :o(
Jokylekris: Oh...Jay...I am so sorry ..I wish I could help you....It is hard on you I know
Poems2God: Doc says to keep water in her and gatorade and chicken noodle soup to replenish electrolytes
Poems2God: because I am out of food here almost, in the midst of all this I had to run to the store like a wild man
Jokylekris: Are you an only child Jay....I forgot to ask you that the last time
Poems2God: and can you believe, the very second the toilet overflowed and I had shit floating down the hallway I had to take a poop and had nowhere to go
Poems2God: yes, I am only child
Poems2God:   TESTIMONY OF JAY L. ZUMBRUM 
Poems2God: that tells my story :o)
Jokylekris: that sounds about right.....never fails...
Jokylekris: you sent it to me last time we talked
Poems2God: I was running around like a nut pinching my but cheeks so I would not add to the demise of the carpets when mom looked at me and said, "Why don't you use the potty chair"
Poems2God: but cheeks = butt cheeks
Jokylekris: I am sorry but there is some humor in this 
Poems2God: in the middle of all that I had to just stop and allow myself to laugh
Jokylekris: well that is good...so it was not a totally shitty day then .....right ????
Poems2God: I do not understand where all the poop is coming from, she has pooped more than she has eaten since she came home from the Rehab, it has been a very hard 17 hours
Jokylekris: when it is liquid it seems like it is a lot more ....has no form
Jokylekris: I never thought I would be sitting on the internet talking about poop.....Did you?
Poems2God: no, I suppose not
Jokylekris: sort of funny huh...
Poems2God: I have lost my temper a number of times, I keep telling mom I am not mad at her, but I am madder than heck at that poop
Poems2God: I feel so bad for her
Poems2God: it will be funny when I am no longer in the midst of it, but right now, I am really frazzled
Jokylekris: I can see that....yes she is probably very embarrassed....anyone would be in that situation...you are a good person to be sticking with her.
Poems2God: I am doing my best, got some soup and power ade into her the last time I had her up, and two glasses of water, she is really trying hard
Poems2God: now I have the dilemma of getting to a laundry mat to wash all this stuff up and getting back without her being here with poop in her pampers too long
Jokylekris: you are doing alot more than many people would do....do you know anyone who could stay with her while you go
Poems2God: plus I have to get to wal-mart to replace her depends, paper towels, handy wipes, Kleenex, ben gay, carpet cleaner for pets, (which works great on the poop so far), and numerous other items she has depleted overnight
Poems2God: no, there is no one I know that could come, I have no friends and all mom's brothers and sisters are gone, her last sister died just the other night at the age of 94.

    My mother eventually made a full recovery and after being home less than two months was once again out and about charming the neighbors, walking several city blocks everyday to get a daily paper and many times to a Hardee's some three blocks away to get her lunch. This time in a safer neighborhood. She had full mobility and was as stubborn and feisty as ever up until about her last month of life.
    I wish with all my heart that I could tell you here I was the perfect son, that I never lost my temper or yelled at mom while she was with me, but it would not be true. Mom had a very stubborn streak and if she did not understand how something worked, instead of asking for my help she would force whatever she was working with, usually breaking it, whatever IT happened to be at that moment and I would often lose my temper in those moments.
    These are the times when my mother taught me unconditional love. She would look so sad and I would have to retreat to my bedroom for a few moments to let the tears out. When I came out again, there she was, loving me as if nothing had happened.
    I am forever thankful to God that he allowed me this time with my mother to begin to make up for my many, many horrible mistakes and am looking forward to the time when I see my mother again so I can tell her how very, very much I love her. Return To Contents

RELIGIOUS CONFUSION AND DOCTRINAL CHAOS

The Choice

You must be a Baptist, no Lutheran, no Pentecostal
You better pick one boy, or God will be quite hostile
You must be an Adventist, Mormon or JW
You better pick one boy, for all are quite above you!

You are so confused, now what do you believe
Take a look upon our list, agree or you must leave
You better be a Methodist, or even Apostolic
Have you made your choice, are you sure you got it?

Are you Charismatic, do you dance and sing
Do you go to movies, Oh, those awful things
You must sign this paper, or we will not trust
When you die, you will live, or maybe be just dust!

With a tear I said to God, I feel so all alone
He said to me, "It's okay, believe and you'll come home"
So much clamor and confusion, have we lost the voice
Now as a child, with simple faith, I have made my choice!

1 Timothy 2:5 (NIV)
5 For there is one God and one mediator between
God and men, the man Christ Jesus

Jay L. Zumbrum
In Jesus Precious Name
And For His Glory

    My first attempt to accept Christ as my savior came in 1969 when I was 16. At the time I was incarcerated in a state correctional facility for juveniles in New Castle, PA and was on my second tour of duty as a juvenile offender.
    One of our counselors had put together a field trip to Pittsburgh, PA to see a Billy Graham crusade and since my behavior had been good and I was not considered a threat to run I was one of the inmates chosen to go on the trip. I do not remember everything Billy said that night but I remember vividly the pull in my heart to go down front to receive Christ when he gave the call. I asked to be allowed to go down, but we were in a huge facility and we were seated so far up and so far away that Billy looked very small and I was told it was too much of a security risk to free up one of the guards to take me down, so I was not allowed to go down. I remember being deeply disappointed, even bitter and soon after leaving Pittsburgh the tug in my heart faded.
    If you have read the first part of my testimony you know what happened when I was released from New Castle. You also know that in 1980 at the age of 27 I accepted Jesus as my savior. But what many do not know is that upon that acceptance I was thrown into a quagmire of religious confusion and doctrinal chaos in my heart and in my mind that drove me to isolation and depression beyond any I had ever known.
    The preacher I had seen on TV while flicking the channels as described in part one of my testimony was not your average run of the mill pastor. He was Herbert W. Armstrong, Pastor General of the Worldwide Church Of God, and his teachings were radically different than main line Christian denominational churches. I had caught the very end of his program where he was basically giving an alter call and I knew I needed God and could no longer run. He also offered free literature to help me in my walk with God. Free was good, I could buy that, so after hitting my knees in repentance I immediately fired off a request for literature, which I was sure was not going to be free.
    When my first pieces of free literature arrived I excitedly opened the envelope and pulled out the booklets and sat down with my Bible to begin to understand God and how I could best be a good Christian. It took all of ten minutes for me to become unglued.
    This guy challenged me to prove him wrong, said he had the only truth, said everything I knew about God before his literature arrived was satanic, said I was a servant of Satan if I did not follow his teachings.
    Man, I came from the streets. If you are going to spew stuff like that you better be able to back it up. I felt with all my heart God was calling me into some sort of ministry and I also knew in my heart I did not dare teach others error, so when this guy challenged me it was war. I was going to get this nut out of the way quickly and move on for God.
    I quickly learned from Herbert's booklets that if you were going to prove him wrong you would need at least a concordance, a Bible dictionary and Greek and Hebrew lexicons, because in his teachings he based many of his doctrinal beliefs on the wording in the original languages.
    The fire to know the absolute truth was ignited in my heart, nothing less than correctness would do, I had to get this right before I could preach or teach for God. Thus began the rudimentary collection of Bible study reference works that grew over the years from a few basic helps to over 5 full bookshelves of reference works.
    At the same time I was coming to grips with Herbert I was also coming into contact with a vast array of doctrinal teachings from the mainline churches and not so mainline churches. Each one telling me they had the absolute truth and it was their way or the Hell-Way!
    I decided in my heart before I could lead anyone to Christ I better be very sure just where I was leading them. I did not want anyone else going through the isolation and depression I was now beginning to experience as one wild eyed Christian after another condemned me to hell for the questions I was honestly and prayerfully seeking answers to.
    I cannot put into words what I began to feel as I sincerely  sought solid answers only to find that Christians did not agree, preachers did not agree, different Bible dictionaries did not agree with each other, Bible encyclopedias did not agree and Bible commentary sets did not agree. I felt a pull so strong to share God I could barely suppress it. I wanted to go to Bible college, but where, which one, who had the truth? And then there was still Herbie to contend with. The man whose challenge opened the door to heartbreak and isolation for me.

    Moving forward from my original 1980 conversion to my re-commitment in 1986, as noted earlier, the situation began getting worse after my 1986 re-commitment and I was becoming ever more isolated, bitter and beginning to wonder if God really loved me.
    Also as noted earlier, in early 1984 I began attending AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings and though I went through some severe testing in this almost three year period, (you will need to read the book for details) God had allowed some very sincere and caring people to come into my life in AA and I began to know a love I had never known before.
    After three years of deep self analysis and working  the program I was able to love and be loved for the first time in my life. I had built some deep and loving relationships with my sponsors and many times was asked to speak at open AA meetings and rehabs. But when I hit my knees in 1986 to come back to God the love began to unravel. It was the last thing I expected and honestly, as it all unfolded I went into shock.
    When I first began writing poetry my sponsors were thrilled, but as I got closer to God and began asking more and deeper God questions it became obvious to me that my sponsors wanted nothing to do with the God of the Bible and I wanted more to do with Him. One of my sponsors hated the God of the Bible. They had sayings like GOD equals Good Orderly Direction and SIN equals Self Imposed Nonsense. It was obvious we were growing apart, so I left AA and began attending churches to find the love I had lost, but there was an unresolved problem. The religious confusion and doctrinal chaos was still there.
    Because of the many teachings coming my way from 1980 on, and my now growing library and my desire to know the truth, every time I visited a church to see if I fit in there and people came up to talk to me I would ask questions, many times going right to the pastor. I would ask questions about the original languages, if what one denomination or another taught about certain things were true based on the original languages. I would ask with the purest of heart and motives only to find that even pastors could not or would not answer my questions. I got responses like "You're just confused." or "Why are you worried about that?" or my all time favorite, "You are demon possessed!".
    Needless to say I was not finding love in the churches and this broke my heart. I went from knowing more love from others and for others than I had ever known in my life and frequent public speaking to being an outcast and very, very lonely, very, very sad, and the seed of bitterness had been planted in my once healing heart.
    I could go on for hours here with what I have been through since 1980, and will cover much more of this in "Who Cares?" But for now just let me say this. The isolation and depression went on for years. I felt God had pulled some horrible trick on me and my faith wavered desperately at times. I did not understand and it hurt deeply.
    In the end, God's love and mercy finally won the day and it is because of this experience that you will find I judge no denomination, refuse to debate doctrinal issues and seek only to spread God's unfathomable love and mercies as they have been shown to me by Him.
    It became so clear to me, the quagmire of doctrinal confusion was a small thing in the grand scheme of God's plan. The part I had to play was simple, take the mercy I had been shown, the forgiveness I had been given, and pass it on to others, and today, that is simply what I do. Return To Contents

THE HEALING BEGINS! WE ARE FAMILY

    As I sit here today, December 11, 2008, at about 3:00 PM EST, I am deeply reflective and thinking back to my first days in 1980 as a Christian and everything that has happened in my life since.
    I am deeply reflective because for the second time in my life, for the first time in over 22 years, I am beginning to let love back into my heart and letting down my guard. The last time I did that was in 1986 as my time in AA was coming to a close.
    I have just been in the hospital from 11:00 PM Friday evening until about 1:00 PM Wednesday, December 10, 2008. I am convinced that God used this stay in the hospital to show me that even though I am now poor by the world's standards and have no health insurance, he can still lead me to people who sincerely care about my well being and had the perfect hospital sitting there waiting to care for me.
        I was treated with dignity, respect and compassion by every member of the staff and was constantly amazed while in the hospital how much the staff sincerely cared for me even though I had no insurance and was running up a massive bill I can only pray I will one day pay off..
    I have cut and pasted a letter I wrote to a lady on line who prayed for me while I was in the hospital below.

Hi Angel,
    The hospital I was in is a rare gem in this world and even though I was destitute with no insurance I was treated with so much respect, compassion and sincere concern for my health that I am in amazement.
    It is the smaller of the two hospitals here in York, PA but I used to take my mother there because even though she was poor by the world's standards they always treated her like a queen. My mom had a way of charming people anyway just by being her, but I have seen it over and over in case after case, this Hospital is for real and growing. The name of the hospital is Memorial Hospital. Their web site is at www.mhyork.org
    I pray you are healing and feeling better Angel. In His love, Jay

       I finally returned to church on Sunday, November 23, 2008 as you've read above. I missed this Sunday because of my stay in the hospital. I had been visiting another church for several months back in the early spring of this year and though I was deeply touched by the sincerity and honesty of the Pastor, I just never seemed to settle in there and I am sure part of that was my fear of scaring people with my Hep C.
    Though it did not seem like a good fit for me, I had watched this Pastor for probably well over four months before I withdrew again due to my Hep C fears.
    I will forever have this thought of her as I listened to the service the first week I peeked in the doors, swallowed my fears and went in.
    My first thoughts were, "Wow, she is so open, so honest, so sincere. She is like a breath of fresh air!"
    I guess God knew exactly what I needed to keep me from running. The people in the church are also very sincere and caring and tried to make me feel welcome and loved, but these were my first baby steps back and I was deeply cautious.
    They have an awesome youth ministry and I will freely recommend this church to anyone. I just seem to fit better where I used to take mom. You can learn more about them at: 
First Moravian Church of York, PA
    Upon returning to my old church, Calvary Chapel of York, and hearing Pastor Tony live again for the first time in many years, my thoughts were the same as when I walked into First Moravian"Wow, he is so open, so honest, so sincere. He is like a breath of fresh air! I have missed this fellowship." But this time I feel like I am home, like I fit. To see pictures of my home church and some of the body of Christ click here, Calvary Pictures.

    The road to Calvary Chapel opened up to me when I met Jay and Elizabeth Roberts while dining out in late 1999. They were in this area appearing at a local church with their very powerful message and original music and I had my mother out to eat at Eat N Park here in York.
    Though I was not in fellowship in a church God was still pushing forward the web site Poems2God ministry and I was still deeply into Biblical studies trying to sort through all the confusion in my mind and heart concerning doctrinal matters. Mom had stopped attending The Family Worship Center of York a few years after I left.
    I had on a Christian t-shirt and Jay saw it as we were passing by to leave. Something compelled him to jump up and introduce himself and as he commented on my t-shirt he reached out his hand and said, " I am Jay, you from York?" I reached my hand and said, "I am Jay, we are from York."
    Jay and Elizabeth invited us to come see them that evening and mom really wanted to go and so did I. I knew we needed fellowship, so we went. Jay and Elizabeth kind of adopted us from that point on and began to minister to me to help me through my depression. I am going to keep this brief and you will be able to read the rest in "WHO CARES", but it was Jay who told me about the church he was attending in VA named Calvary Chapel and he suggested I find one in this area if there was one.
    Jay did some checking and found that a brand new Calvary Chapel had just formed in York and so mom and I began going there. At that time they were not yet a Calvary Chapel but were a Calvary Fellowship. Over the following years I filtered in and out of the church as I battled depression and my doctrinal quagmires and my fears of not fitting in, but the church and the Pastor always welcomed mom and I when we came back. It is to this Calvary Chapel that I have now returned.

    It has taken me years to get back to Calvary Chapel. My latest battle with severe depression began around July of 2007 when my feet began to hurt so badly I was having trouble walking, my left hand was beginning to shake more and more and I was getting so tired at work I had trouble making myself move.
    I had started with this company in November of 2006 after leaving another company I had been with since March of 2004 where I set up and ran a 110 ton stamping machine producing parts for Harleys. At the new company I was being trained on all their CNC machines and had made the transition from metal working back to woodworking. Something I had wanted to do for over a year and up until June of 2007 everything seemed fine except for constant pain in my feet, but not yet to the point where it was affecting my work.
    By the beginning of July 2007 I knew I was beginning to fail at work and on July 17 on my way to work my feet were hurting so bad I knew I would not make it through the day so I pulled over, called into work and went to the emergency room at Memorial Hospital to find out if my foot was possibly broken or to see if maybe I had a splintered bone. The ER doctors took ex rays and told me I had extremely flat feet and this and the earlier injury where they thought I might loose my leg many years before were now the cause of the problem in my feet.
    The doctor also noticed my left hand shaking and felt I might be in the beginning stages of Parkinson's disease and also felt my hepatitis C was wearing me out and making me tired all the time. So he set me up with an internal medicine doctor who I saw the next day. This doctor took one look at me and asked me what in the world I was doing trying to work. He put me on short term disability from work and set me up with several specialists to see just what I was dealing with, and that is when my world began to be turned upside down one more time.
    The specialists confirmed the Parkinson's and the Hepatitis C and also my extremely flat feet. It was in the middle of all this testing that the company I was working for said they could no longer hold my job and fired me and canceled my insurance. I was already beginning to get into a hole because on short term disability I was only getting $200.00 a week and they were taking taxes out of that plus $28.00 a week for my insurance coverage. When the company left me go I had no income at all and no insurance, so all the doctors I had been seeing would no longer see me.
    As my world began to unravel I quit going to church again after just having returned to church at 
First Moravian in the spring.
    I will cover much more in "Who Cares?", but for now will just let you know I almost went homeless, almost lost my car, rarely had food to eat and got so depressed I was not even taking showers and could not think clearly. I was sure I was going to lose everything, but time after time God came through.
    First, because of the way the company had fired me, and after a brief tussle with them for several weeks, God allowed me to begin collecting unemployment. Because I had always paid my rent on time and because I had always made my car payments on time God touched hearts and my landlord worked with me till my unemployment checks began coming in and allowed me time to get caught up and the place where I had bought my car did the same. The last week I was able to collect unemployment my first check came in from Social Security Disability and was followed by my economic stimulus check, so I began to make slow steps back.
    It was during this time of deep depression, as I was sitting here wondering if there was anything at all I could ever do for God again, wondering if God was now going to take even my on-line ministry from me, wondering if I would ever be productive for God again that Joel Ness came back into my life.

    I had not seen or heard from Joel in over 35 years when he reemerged into my life. Joel had been surfing the web looking for information on my cousin, John Plath, who spent over 20 years on death row in South Carolina before being executed in July of 1998. Because I was saved due to a letter, a Bible signed by 12 death row inmates, (see a picture of this Bible by clicking the link to my testimony page below), and a cassette tape John recorded on death row and sent to me telling me if I did not change I would also end up in prison or dead, I constructed a web page about my two cousins executed in 1998. (Yes, two cousins) Joel found that web page, then he found my testimony page and my poems pages and he contacted me via e-mail and thus came back into my life. All of this happened as I was dealing with new medical realities that have turned my life upside down and as I was struggling with deep depression wondering if there was anything at all left that I could do for God. In less than two weeks God's Gang had come together and produced a CD with the original audio from three of my web pages and 11 of the poems God has allowed me to write put to music on the CD.
    Joel's choosing of the name God's Gang as the name for the group of people who came together for a project Joel had a vision for is appropriate since both Joel and I, as we grew into our teenage years, became members of street gangs here in York, PA. Joel then went on to join the Army, then left the military to attend Bible College, then joined the Marines and retired after 20 years total in the armed forces to the state of Alabama. Joel fought in he first Iraq war. There is so much to share about what Joel has done to touch my life and encourage me that much of it will have to be saved for my book, "Who Cares?". Return To Contents

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May God richly bless you as we move forward together, in the knowledge and truth of the most famous man to ever walk the face of the earth, the only man in history with the keys to the gates of Heaven, our precious, loving, risen Savior, JESUS CHRIST OF NAZARETH.

IN JESUS PRECIOUS NAME
AND FOR HIS GLORY
Jay L. Zumbrum

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